Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final Collingwood 0.1 4.6 9.11 13.12 90 Hawthorn 6.1 10.4 10.5 11.6 72
It didn't take long. Maybe 10 minutes into the game, the Collingwood fans, not noted for their restraint, were going feral - well, that's their default state, so perhaps more feral than usual. The Pies were basically witches' hats while the Hawks ran a training drill. If a Magpie took possession it was likely to butcher the ball in some way. They certainly seemed to be providing little resistance as the Hawks scored at will, sometimes the result of sloppy disposal by a Collingwood player.
The part of the Ponsford stand where The Footy Bogan sits is within a nest of the worst excesses of the feral Collingwood supporter. "They should get rid of the entire list and start again." "They're hopeless." "Buckley's gone." "Well, if Buckley goes, so should Eddie: Buckley was his idea." That last sentence might have been the Bogan.
We discussed when we should leave. I was ready to go at quarter time. I could not see how this could end happily; there would be tears before bedtime - ours. I was thinking, I knew I shouldn't have come tonight. I should have stayed at home and watched on TV. Then I could have switched off whenever the pain became unbearable. (Since the Bogan does not drink, there would have been no way to anaesthetise the pain.)
The Pies kicked the first goal of Q2 through Maynard. Then things got even worse as the Hawks kicked the next two majors and the lead blew out to 43 points. Any faint hope the Magpie army nurtured deep within its collective soul was soon snuffed out. Then the tide turned again, but the Pies could not capitalise, kicking 1.4, a poor return for effort. When the dust had settled, the Pies had won the quarter by 2 points.
Collingwood started Q3 badly, constantly under intense pressure, never getting far past the wing, and even then only once. The defence was heroic, possibly aided by some fumbled marking attempts by Roughead. Despite holding the ball in their half of the ground, the Hawks managed to register only a solitary point.
When the Pies finally got clear, they were able to string a couple of marks together, one by Elliott just outside 50; his pass found Greenwood 30 out, no angle; mark and miss (despite having previously kicked a goal from outside 50 in Q2).
After nearly 5 clock minutes, a forward thrust proved successful when a couple of hand passes got the ball into Howe's hands. There followed a procession of scores to Collingwood. That early point by the Hawks proved to be their only score for the quarter, in which the Pies kicked 5.5. At the last break, scores were level.
About 5 minutes into the last quarter, Hawthorn scored a goal. There followed 7 minutes of arm wrestle, and then 4 unanswered goals to Collingwood. The Pies had kicked 9 of the last 10 goals to seal victory by 18 points.
As Q3 had progressed, the fans had grown increasingly interested. As the game turned into a real contest, it became quite exciting. But in truth the Pies rarely, if ever, played scintillating football. It's just that the Hawks won the fumbling stats.
On this note, The Footy Bogan raised more than an eyebrow when he heard that Tom Phillips had won the Rising Star nomination. His game encapsulated in miniature Collingwood's. Naturally, if you put together a highlights reel, he would have looked ok; but equally, had you compiled his lowlights reel, you would have seen a clanger-fest of epic proportions.
Positives
More goals than points again.
The third quarter.
9 goals to 1 in the second half (9.6-1.2)
Negatives
The first quarter.
Still far too many misses.
The wrap
A few days later, I was surprised to learn that Collingwood had gone into the match quite solid favourites. Further, Hawthorn's percentage improved! In other words we were not able to beat the Hawks by as much as the average winning percentage of the teams they have played so far this year.
When viewed from the bottom of the deep trench the Pies dug for themselves during the match, any victory would be cause for rejoicing. But, in betting parlance, they didn't make their line and in golfing terms, they failed to make par.
The big picture is that it was a victory, but only just. Moody's would at best maintain a watching brief and might even have downgraded the stock. (I'm a veritable fountain of metaphors tonight!)
Sources, Notes, Footnotes, References
http://www.footywire.com/afl/footy/ft_match_statistics?mid=9383
http://www.theage.com.au/match-centre/afl/match-20170140905.html
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